I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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