I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
