if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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