yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
