I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
