Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Randomize
