so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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