I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
