I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
