I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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