The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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