I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
