Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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