in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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