Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
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