I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
