you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Randomize
