I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I wish I could punch you in the face.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
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