Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
