im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
