mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
this just has baby written all over it
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
