She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
