I heard we made out
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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