girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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