The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
