Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
