I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
