My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Randomize
