wanna go halves on a baby?
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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