i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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