I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
