If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
