My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
