My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
