He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
