Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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