a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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