it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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