Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
