Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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