last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
