I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
