Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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