I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
