Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
dude i'm inner monologue high
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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