As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
