the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Boobs are out for the taking
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
