Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Randomize
