I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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