the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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