no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
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