Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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