Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
